dodgeball

The aroma of bacon and eggs woke her up. It jolted her back to reality from the deep slumber she was in just minutes before. The bubble of her fantasy world that she once built in her sleep was immediately burst by the scent that wafted through crevices of her wall.

She stood up and hopped to the kitchen, eyeing on the plate that was filled with what she wanted. She knew what she wanted. "This for me?" she asked. "Uh-hmmm.." says the cook. She wolfed it down with great delight while staring at the back of the cook.

She sank her teeth into the cinnamon toast and a sense of nostalgia rushed through her. She was back at her high school gym. She glanced at her side and saw that there was only one more person left. "Alice!" the boy called out and the girl at her side started walking up front. She saw the team she was walking towards to was frowning at her.

She was then zapped back to reality, in the kitchen and stared down at her breakfast, pushed it away and stared harder. She wanted someone to tell her that it was alright but the cook was busy rummaging through the cabinets.

little girl in a big chair

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there was a princess who loved decorating her castle. The time came when she had to fill her room with all the majestic fixtures she could ever want and have. She had all the lavish drapes, grand bed, antique study and the extravagant chandeliers money could buy. All was good until she looked around and realized something was missing! She did not have the proper reading chair. One that could be a little nook of her own. One where in she could get away from the world. So she took upon the task of looking for the perfect chair. She looked high and low and travelled great seas just to find this chair. Every single one she tried to sit on had their own characters.

There were the ones made of wood. Refreshing to sight, it reminded her of the times she would lay and play around in the woods. Some were rocking and some were stable. Some were hard and rough but some were smooth. She loved it, but something was not right. She knew it was not for her.

There were the ones made of steel. Cold to touch, it warmed her after sitting on it for awhile. Some were modern and minimalist but some were vintage and chic. She loved it, but something was not right. She knew it was not for her.

There were the ones made of stone. Elegant to taste, it satisfied her quench and passion for fashion. There were the intricately carved marbles and there were the slabs of stone made into benches. She loved it, but something was not right. She knew it was not for her.

Finally, after being miles away from home, she found the perfect chair. Pleasing to sight, touch and satisfying to taste, she wanted this and had to have this particular chair. As she ran her fingers back and forth through the luxurious fabric, she wanted it more. She was completely enamored by the looks of it. She had to try to sit on it and when she did, she was immediately swallowed whole by the chair. She didn't want to leave it or get up from it.

She absolutely loved it, but something was not right. She knew it was not for her. The owner would not sell for he did not need money. But he agreed to exchange it for strenuous physical and mental labour. So yes, it was not for her. Yet.

I don't know how this story ends or how it is supposed to end. Ask me in ten years?

chronicles of the jet lagged.

every joint in my body is aching with all the carrying, walking and stressing over the limited foot space and still it isn't the worst thing i am feeling right now. I've always found myself to be self sufficient, and still i had yet to prove that i'm not fully worthy of this adjective. I feel so weak and regretful that I didn't hug my mom as much as I wanted to. And yes I am finally admitting to this because right now I feel like a fool- a fool who is a thousand miles away from her support group. And feel like crying but crying just makes me think I've given up to this hopeless situation I haven't even given a chance yet. I need something familiar, and no, bringing loads of clothes from the Philippines does not even touch the surface of enough. then I realized that it's because they're almost all new. No memories with these, never been worn or been glanced at for more than a minute or two. Clean Slate. Yes, this clean slate I have been given is a challenge I'm still wracking my brain to accept. Because in less than hour, we are going to make the rally of our lives trying to make decisions we will have to live on for the rest of our lives. or at least for the next 6 months. A priest once told me that it is up to a person to find his happiness in a certain place. Maybe it is because we haven't left the apartment yet or because since day one up to the last minute of our arrival here, we have already galloped through enough hoops for a lifetime that is making me feel so much more agitated. so, self sufficient? not yet, but i think i'll get there. give me a couple weeks more.