little girl in a big chair

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there was a princess who loved decorating her castle. The time came when she had to fill her room with all the majestic fixtures she could ever want and have. She had all the lavish drapes, grand bed, antique study and the extravagant chandeliers money could buy. All was good until she looked around and realized something was missing! She did not have the proper reading chair. One that could be a little nook of her own. One where in she could get away from the world. So she took upon the task of looking for the perfect chair. She looked high and low and travelled great seas just to find this chair. Every single one she tried to sit on had their own characters.

There were the ones made of wood. Refreshing to sight, it reminded her of the times she would lay and play around in the woods. Some were rocking and some were stable. Some were hard and rough but some were smooth. She loved it, but something was not right. She knew it was not for her.

There were the ones made of steel. Cold to touch, it warmed her after sitting on it for awhile. Some were modern and minimalist but some were vintage and chic. She loved it, but something was not right. She knew it was not for her.

There were the ones made of stone. Elegant to taste, it satisfied her quench and passion for fashion. There were the intricately carved marbles and there were the slabs of stone made into benches. She loved it, but something was not right. She knew it was not for her.

Finally, after being miles away from home, she found the perfect chair. Pleasing to sight, touch and satisfying to taste, she wanted this and had to have this particular chair. As she ran her fingers back and forth through the luxurious fabric, she wanted it more. She was completely enamored by the looks of it. She had to try to sit on it and when she did, she was immediately swallowed whole by the chair. She didn't want to leave it or get up from it.

She absolutely loved it, but something was not right. She knew it was not for her. The owner would not sell for he did not need money. But he agreed to exchange it for strenuous physical and mental labour. So yes, it was not for her. Yet.

I don't know how this story ends or how it is supposed to end. Ask me in ten years?

chronicles of the jet lagged.

every joint in my body is aching with all the carrying, walking and stressing over the limited foot space and still it isn't the worst thing i am feeling right now. I've always found myself to be self sufficient, and still i had yet to prove that i'm not fully worthy of this adjective. I feel so weak and regretful that I didn't hug my mom as much as I wanted to. And yes I am finally admitting to this because right now I feel like a fool- a fool who is a thousand miles away from her support group. And feel like crying but crying just makes me think I've given up to this hopeless situation I haven't even given a chance yet. I need something familiar, and no, bringing loads of clothes from the Philippines does not even touch the surface of enough. then I realized that it's because they're almost all new. No memories with these, never been worn or been glanced at for more than a minute or two. Clean Slate. Yes, this clean slate I have been given is a challenge I'm still wracking my brain to accept. Because in less than hour, we are going to make the rally of our lives trying to make decisions we will have to live on for the rest of our lives. or at least for the next 6 months. A priest once told me that it is up to a person to find his happiness in a certain place. Maybe it is because we haven't left the apartment yet or because since day one up to the last minute of our arrival here, we have already galloped through enough hoops for a lifetime that is making me feel so much more agitated. so, self sufficient? not yet, but i think i'll get there. give me a couple weeks more.

this has probably been the most interesting I had yet. in 4 words the "best and worst year".

A lot has happened, changed, abolished and renewed. Last year's post was composed during my humdrum Dec 31 in the hospital moment and this year its all about home.

How did it start? come to think of it, I can't remember what happened in the first quarter of 2009. my sister got her first permanent job in The Medical City.

personally,nothing really significant except for finally quitting my crappy job and finally taking the plunge which my mom has so adamantly demanded. I honestly didn't think I would pass it. but God definitely moves in mysterious ways. and when it's His will, there is absolutely no way for us to defy His plan. so slacking didn't really help me achieve what I wanted. (jan-mar 2009)

The start of the quarter was the start of recognizing the religious me. It was the first time i helped out with the summer catechism due to lack of manpower my mom's team had.

I guess this was around the time I got a very important call, went for the interview, and finally "reviewed" for a series of exams [which by the way, doesn't seem to have an end to it.]

Panic was definitely a theme this quarter because the English proficiency test date was announced two weeks before the actual exam. but then again, blessings nonstop [9-9-7.5-7-8]. Around this time, very odd twist came in the form of a dvd. during one gateway trip before Bernice left for Davao, she handed me the key to what became an addiction. (apr-jun 2009)

The addiction spread like a virus in my brain. BOF turned into BL

turned into LSG turned into 1N2D turned into KHD, EJW, LSuG, KimC and of course my favorite MCM. 1n2d!!!

i would literally have no sleep just to download and watch episodes of this hilarious variety show. up to this date, i can't stop smiling when i think about the classic comedic acts these 6members have done. On a more serious note, the review classes went on full blast when the IELTS task was done. had much much fun with these people! Sunday was definitely something to look forward to.

What was more significant in this quarter, was that right smack in the middle of it, was my turning to a legal for everything age. woot woot. gambling here i come! haha. spent this year's birthday with 1n2d in a very peaceful ambiance and topped it off with a simple gathering with my cousins, Fr Gerry, and the cake I baked [just had to say it].

This quarter ended with yet another major exam that would determine my schedule for the homestretch of the year.

But then, when September was about to end, something devastating happened. Ondoy happened [sep26, 2009]. The wrath of mother nature that has washed up our house has not only left us financially confused but also made us mentally torn, emotionally wounded and physically weak.

bern: may class nmn kmi. di na nila mahalata un

kL Ordoña (9/26/2009 8:42:08 AM): kainis. super baha dito

bern : tlga?

kL Ordoña : as in papasok na sa bahay.as in nasa doorstep

bern : init dito!! wlang ulan

kL Ordoña (9/26/2009 9:03:32 AM): malaro nga to

bern: haha. may bago ka ng game! g2g na. log in ka na sa fb ko. haha

bern : bye! see you tom!

kL Ordoña (9/26/2009 9:07:55 AM): ok cge ako bahala sa barn buddy mo

bern (9/26/2009 9:08:40 AM): kung gsto mo mgtanim ka kpg last harvest na ung natira. thanks

kL Ordoña (9/26/2009 9:11:10 AM): nku di ko nagets..ahhahaha...haharvest ko naalng..

then the turmoil SUDDENLY happened. we all evacuated the house by 9:30am (jul-sep 2009)

It was indeed a moment of many firsts. First time to evacuate our beloved house, first time to deal with the flood alone (alone=no parents), first time to fear for my life, first time to worry about my mom who was miles away from us, first time to be scared of the dark because it felt like the black hole was just eating us up. I couldn't eat right, sleep right, think right.

The catastrophic event just left us speechless, homeless for more than a month [kudos to tita yang and sam for letting us live with them]. Long story short, nothing but our house's foundation was left. but what's worse was the trauma attached to the event. but something peculiar had happened to me. my ice cold heart had just turned into a more stoic rock if it were possible. not only that, my head seems to be floating, wandering into a better place. which probably is the logic behind my monotone blog right now. there are no feelings. no excitement, no nervousness, I don't know what has struck me but it seems that this physique is better than my previous facades. I've never felt so dazed or been in a trance for this long. Two things good that came out of this experience: i've never been so appreciative of hot food and more bonding time with Sammy.

November was a better month. thing is, this flood will never be erased from memories. On a lighter note, this was when I just had a deep appreciation for my friends who were concerned. Kpop was also added to my list around this time. Starking had a whole different effect on me. suju, after school, 2pm, bigbang -- taeyang (yehess monik, favorite!).

there is an 85% chance i'd laugh at this after 10years but what the hell, they're really entertaining people. i know i know it's not me to fangirl or go boycrazy with these people. but heck, all of them seem to be extremely talented.

December came and i felt like the bad episode of clean house (starring our house) has finally ended... but then we still have to take off our blindfolds to open our eyes. (you'll get it if you watch the show.) It is the most un-christmas a christmas could get. no decorations, no lavish dinners, no anything. to top this season off, i actually have church duty [not much of a burden though] and to study on christmas and new year.

 

what a way to end this year. (oct-dec)

before i end this post, i would like to thank a bunch of people. feeling ko awards show to. but seriously, they made my mundane life a tad exciting. all the new found friends in the church (ICP-VVEV), clutario family for their hospitality, my family and of course my trusted friends: DIMPLES (si manghahawang spoiler and for our everyday conversations about everything and anything), BERNICE (sun-mate! ah yess, you may be in davao but you're still one hell of a friend), MONIK (ym, come back here! or should i go there? january is catching up time. =)), CAEG (loyal tayo sa pagiging loner. and pagiging bangag. and sa paguusap parin sa ym kahit naiwanan na.), TRILLA and GERLIE (thanks sa load nung ondoy, big help un) GRACE (seatmate, we need to see each other!) ATE VYR (for all the tips, and putting up with me and my stupid litany of questions) and of course KATH ZABAT.

and to EVERYone who hooked up (literally like 9 new couples in just 2 weeks, cupid's supply of arrows must be depleted.) may you continue to be in that kilig stage for as long as you live. or at least as long as you want it to be.

if last year was all about new experiences, this year was definitely about finding and learning more about myself. although up to this date, it still feels like I'm still in a hallow, bottomless pit still unaccomplished. but next year, hopefully will be the year of life-changing trips and exams, twists and turns, hoops and loops and hopefully, emotions too.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERY ONE!

previous year end posts:

2008

2007

2006 2006