every joint in my body is aching with all the carrying, walking and stressing over the limited foot space and still it isn't the worst thing i am feeling right now. I've always found myself to be self sufficient, and still i had yet to prove that i'm not fully worthy of this adjective. I feel so weak and regretful that I didn't hug my mom as much as I wanted to. And yes I am finally admitting to this because right now I feel like a fool- a fool who is a thousand miles away from her support group. And feel like crying but crying just makes me think I've given up to this hopeless situation I haven't even given a chance yet. I need something familiar, and no, bringing loads of clothes from the Philippines does not even touch the surface of enough. then I realized that it's because they're almost all new. No memories with these, never been worn or been glanced at for more than a minute or two. Clean Slate. Yes, this clean slate I have been given is a challenge I'm still wracking my brain to accept. Because in less than hour, we are going to make the rally of our lives trying to make decisions we will have to live on for the rest of our lives. or at least for the next 6 months. A priest once told me that it is up to a person to find his happiness in a certain place. Maybe it is because we haven't left the apartment yet or because since day one up to the last minute of our arrival here, we have already galloped through enough hoops for a lifetime that is making me feel so much more agitated. so, self sufficient? not yet, but i think i'll get there. give me a couple weeks more.
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