entry 17: holy holy (di ba ako nagsulat kahapon?)

di ba ako nagsulat kahapon? or kahapon ko sinulat ung frustrated na yan?

can't remember...

but oh well, a while ago, bumalik kaming ust...for the blessing of the board examinees... first i saw ken, inantay niya ako sa lrt legarda... nakauniform siya ng med. respetado. then i saw lynyrd and miguel... nakauniform din ng med. mga mukhang respetado din. un lang.

so anyway, the priest said na kapag boards, maraming nagagawang kabanalan... which i just proved true a while ago. may napa-misa ng 3 beses (ust 6am, ust 8am, quiapo 11am), may napa-communion ng wala sa oras, may napaconfess ng wala din sa oras...sabi ko kasi magcconfess ako, to be in the state of grace before answering the test. he probably thought it was a good idea for him to confess too. nagiging banal ang mga hindi nagsisimba dati, and that according to father, is the real reward... pero syempre, passing the boards will be so cool because, again, di ko na kayang gawin to ulit.

quiapo. so after almost 10 years, bumalik ako sa quiapo... dun mo makikita ang mga tunay at dakilang devotees... i mean, in the middle of the church sumisigaw ng intentions, nakaluhod buong misa, nakaluhod na nag"lalakad" habang nagrrosary... iba... IBA... trust me iba talaga. dun, matyaga makinig ng confessions ang mga pari, ang mga tambay ay kumakanta ng kantang banal at ang mga pulubi ay nagigisingan kapag malapit na ang katapusan ng previous mass para sa next mass, makaabot sila at makakuha ng mgandang pwesto.. dun kahit maubos na ang dugo mo sa hypoventilation or anoxic ka na, di mo paring magawang maisip ang masama... dahil nakikita mo ang mga taong tulad mo anoxic na din, pero go, kanta pa din, go pabless pa din, go nakapila parin papunta sa relics or kung ano man. iba talaga. dun mo mapapatunayan na banal nga ang mga pinoy.

after quiapo, i went to the mall. (pag quiapo ang pinaguusapan, kelangan tagalog..hahahaha... kahit di ko naiintindihan or wrong grammar ang tagalog ko) i was just supposed to be the refill for my ballpen... but i ended up treating myself with a big mac.. passed or failed, at least nakapagbig mac ako...hahahaha... i missed doing that... staying somewhere, alone, doing nothing, thinking about nothing... dun ko namimiss ang ust, kasi when i was still staying in my dorm, maraming alone time, to reflect, gather yourself, then plunging into the stressful life again. that's the luxury i can't afford here... every corner in my house, has either my reviewers, books... everything is scattered...just like my brain, scattered. i'll fix it after the exam, but arrgggg, the OC me wants to do it right now..itching to get everything organized. but, i don't have the time. when i was still studying pharma, home ang iniisip kong place na no studying allowed. but right now, i just miss the fields and stream of trees of ust. miss the benches. and the people. anyway back to being alone, there, there are 3 rooms in our house and 5 people in it. so really no alone time. and now, i'm tired. so i'm going to rest so i can study after an hour again. in short, i miss functioning normally.

xoxo,
kL

ps: 2 days to go!